Only Northumbria exists in our normal space time. However, if you can go to Stonehenge at the right time you can enter Southumbria. Likewise you can enter Westumbira through a special wardrobe. And finally there is a high tech phone booth that will take you to Eastumbira.
If you say the right chant at Stonehenge on the right day a portal will open to Southumbira. But you have to be careful because in this dimension, Scottish is primary language of the UK and only a small minority on the Isle of Wright and its surrounding areas speak English.
To get to Eastumbria you must have 10 kilograms of frozen Mercury in you body, swallowed in a protective sheath, which will not leak. Then you dial all the numbers at once at a special phone booth at midnight while pressing the phone against your lower groin. Also in this reality Cornish is the dominant language and culture of the UK.
The entrance to Westumbria can be found in 42 special wardrobes, which all need to manned when entering. But only a lucky 13 will randomly open. You can only receive cell phone messages from the other side and returning is pain in the arse. You have to stuff 30 kilograms of your own hair (from any region of your body, including pubic) into a watermelon and throw it back into the wardrobe from at least five meters. Once you land it in the wardrobe your hairs in the watermelon will be transformed into rope that only you can only use. In this dimension the Welsh is the dominant language of the UK.
Note there are several forms of the Northumbria flag. This is due to trans-pan-dimensional portals found in this region.
this is amazing omg!
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